I'm watching Secret Diary of a Call Girl, and by Season 3 I think I've figured out what makes it so intriguing.  (Aside from the fact that it's like experiencing something I'd never do.)

It's that she's got  a whole other identity.  It's like what I'm doing as Krista Canton.  And what I think about doing as a dancer/dance teacher (my new secret obsession).

Around show time you get this excitement to perform (cause I mean you're good at what you do) and you have new costumes and everyone looks so great.  You have a reason to put on makeup, do your hair, and why not just make yourself perfect and shave/wax your legs.  (Nobody sees your leg hair through your tights unless they look up close, but it's the thought that counts.)

But it's more than that.. you sort of get to be someone else for a while.

I'm singing and dancing like they do in Glee... except I'm not doing so well with the whole singing in tune and not getting out of breath things.

I think if I had thought of this when I was younger, I would have probably been perfectly happy being in musicals as a career.  But well I'm not really that good at projecting my voice or at acting or doing two things at once.  I can dance, so I'm a third of a triple threat.

I'm a singular threat.  And I haven't practiced in a couple of years.

I don't open up to people about anything important or let myself show emotion in front of people.  I never really had any close girl friends I could talk to about anything...except this one time...

Let me tell you about the friends I had during the 2007-08 school year, right before I moved away:

It was my first year of university, and most of the people from my high school were there.  One day between classes, a high school classmate showed me the student lounge and the people he was hanging out with there.  There was a little circle of couches and I only knew two of the people (one of whom I'd just met briefly a few years ago, good story and I'll probably tell that later.)

That was a great year.... I was still a bit shy but I felt like I belonged and got over a lot of my shyness.  They were openminded, mature, thoughtful, and I felt really included in their group the way I hadn't in high school.  Book club was fun and the only time I've really had proper girl friends.

I see them once a year at a New Years party which is nice, but I sometimes wish we kept in touch more.  One girl, Lauren, is getting married - I don't know when, and I think we've fallen out of touch enough that I probably won't be invited to her wedding.

I have friends here and now and they're great in their own way.  I can talk to them about some things I couldn't with my friends back home (science, renewable energy, spaceships, that sort of thing) but I know to avoid topics of religion or anything implying sex.  So sometimes I miss my older friends...

Writing this entry made me miss them more.  I should write letters to them!  Everyone probably likes to get letters, especially Jen who just finished her undergrad in English and who likes books and poetry.  No offense to random people on the internet, but some things I discuss in my blog I could talk about to my friends.

Before I went off on that tangent, I was going to say that being emotionally guarded may make you look like a really together person but somewhere inside you want to be a little more .. brave and dangerous... and share how you're feeling with other people and vice versa.

What is my blog about?  What is it not about?

This would probably be a good time to consolidate what exactly this blog is about.

• My to-do list.  A way to connect with others who have similar goals.  I'm currently grouping it into categories, subcategories, and subsubcategories... it's gonna be awesome.
• Observations about people and putting together a "guide" for how to be a relaxed friend.
• Wondering what makes the difference between good actors and great actors.
• The differences between my boyfriend and I - how I hope we don't turn into Robin and Ted... but I'm a little worried (and Argentina's on my list of places to go).  Well that's for Future Krista to deal with.
• Any other topics I plan to add.

Some of the entries might be illustrated (I can draw fairly well if I have a picture of a screenshot to look at).

What my blog is NOT is a rant.  I will sit down and start to rant about my life then erase it all because that's what my journal is for (So I bought a pack of 3 plain black moleskine notebooks and I'm going to make one look like a mini apple laptop, and another look like a passport.)

 I've been writing about my to-do list on a separate blog, hosted by the lovely Kitty, and I've been considering shutting it down.  I am trying to live my life and not spend too much time on the internet, but if I do that I feel sort of bad for using up space on nekonette.

I just have one problem with livejournal: ads.  There used to not be ads.  Then there were but there was an option to turn them off and have a really simple blog.  Now they're just there.
But you know, I could live with that.  I would give up my ad-free site for a site where I can actually be part of a community.

I'm considering getting rid of my other blog.  No guarantees yet.

Looking back to the past ("pour savoir où on va, il faut savoir d'où on vient") when dinosaurs became extinct it was the small mammals that then evolved and took their place.  The dinosaurs' size became their weakness as they weren't able to dig down into the ground and hide out from whatever cataclysmic event wiped them out.

When humans get wiped out it might be because we are so dependent on material things, on things that were invented throughout the years, and don't know how to live in the wild.  It will be creatures who can survive in extreme climates without any use of technology, who will take our place.

PENGUINS!

Here's a link to my blog, a secret to-do list and comments about life:  krista.nekonette.com